But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
