her vagine was all disorganized.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So squirting runs in the family.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
