I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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