ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
