My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
