just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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