Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
