I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
