it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
