Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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