3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
