he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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