I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
