I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
