I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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