I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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