Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
