do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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