Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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