she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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