you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
