She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
