Christians are straight up FREAKS
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
