I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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