He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
