Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
