Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
