sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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