I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
