I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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