she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
