I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
