I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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