Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
