arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
