I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
