everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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