Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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