having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
