You're my little dorito
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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