i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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