Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
