non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In other news, I just burned my penis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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