This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Houston, we have a blender
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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