There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
