My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
