all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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