You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
