I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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