I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
