yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
