Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
