so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i now understand why vodka
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
